“How to make people listen to you?” (The Rapport Technique)

One of the Client’s Example: (Basis of Rapport Technique)

My friend Shriya asked me to help her out with a unique issue she was facing. She had had one too many difficult clients this month.

“Why is it so difficult to get them to understand what needs to be done?” she asked me.

She had a book by Matshona Dhliwayo on her coffee table. I casually flipped the book and this poem caught my attention.

“None want to know the ignorant.

Some want to know the simple.

Many want to know the profound.

Countless want to know the mysterious.

Draw people with you mind,

and they are yours temporarily.

Draw people with your heart,

and they are yours enduringly.

Draw people with you soul,

and they are yours permanently.”

Shriya works with high net-worth clients restoring their art. And these clients are very very finicky about what she does with the art. Shriya is a very well-educated art restorer and keeps updating her knowledge with the latest technology to give the artwork more life, in presentation and in time.

And like any other educated, well-read expert, she faces conflict with clients who are not as educated in her field as she is, but insist that the work be done how they want it done.

Her opinions are constantly challenged, and questioned, and it usually takes her a long time to get the client to understand what needs to be done, even if it doesn’t make sense to them.

Common Issue faced Everyday — “How to make people listen to you?”

Every coach and psychologist, counselor and trainer would agree with me when I say that this is an issue most of us face when we start out in our profession. We have spent a considerable amount of time learning and practicing and we know that what we do works. However, it is difficult to show it to the people we are coaching.

Not only coaches, but I bet you came to this article even if you are not a coach, because this is a problem most of us face everyday. Just yesterday, one of my colleagues messaged me, “Why doesn’t anybody in my family listen to me? They might listen to somebody else who tells them the exact same thing, but not me? What am I doing wrong?”

How to Overcome these Issue:

My first question to you, if you came to me with this question, would be, “What is your intention when you are telling them to do something?”

Is your intention for them to make the change, or is your intention to be heard? That they follow your instructions only? It is very important for those doing change-work to know their own intentions clearly. Ridhima told this to us recently, when she quoted Carmen Bostic St Clair, in one of her mentoring sessions with NLP Academy, UK, “Content Follows Intent”

A popular comic book once said, “Careful what you ask for, it just might come true”

And that is the power of Intention. Whatever is your intention, even if your words and actions do something different, they will somehow align to the intention. And the intention will manifest itself.

So, always check with yourself, what is the intention behind this.

When your intention is change-work and you are clearly aligned to it, you can see how it doesn’t matter whose words the client listens to, it only matters that you flicked the first domino- you triggered the chain reaction.

However, as professionals and sometimes as individuals as well, it is very important to us that credit be given to our efforts. If the change was introduced by us, then getting the credit for the change is well-deserved and should be given. So, how do we ensure that our listener actually listens and then acknowledges the change in front of us or attributes it to us?

If you have spent a considerable amount of time coaching, you know the kind of people who do listen and give credit- the people with whom you have excellent rapport. Or even if you are not a coach, you have no complaints of communicating with those with whom you have rapport.

“The right word at the right time will unlock the door to treasures — the wrong one will close it forever”

― Rasheed Ogunlaru, Soul Trader: Putting the Heart Back into Your Business

The Rapport Technique:

Rapport is what will ensure that you say the “right word at the right time”. There simply is no right or wrong time! You can seize any moment provided you have the rapport. Doesn’t that make things really simple? You can create rapport with anyone. And when I say that I also need to clarify this: Michael Carroll has made it amply clear in the Core Skills NLP sessions he did in May 2021 internationally, in which Ridhima Dua, one of their Satellite Partners, was a designated mentor. [paraphrased] Rapport does not mean that they like you. Rapport has got nothing to do with liking each other. In fact, you will find that sometimes you work easier with people whom you do not like, but you work in a similar fashion.

Rapport is like a dance, where you step in sync, and then create beautiful harmony. One of the most important things Ridhima teaches in her Online NLP Courses in India, is how to create excellent rapport. She gives very clear instructions, puts you out in the field for practice and helps you to troubleshoot your technique. She has well-deservedly earned her title of being the Best NLP Trainer in India.

You can also catch her in her Youtube videos, on Instagram, Facebook and Telegram.

You can write to her at connect@i-flame.in and get specific answers to your questions.

This quote here feels relevant in light of rapport and coaching:

“For me to heal,

I need you to heal.

For me to trust,

I need you to trust.

For me to be strong,

I need you to be strong.

For me to gain,

I need you to gain.

For me to win,

I need you to win.

For me to rise,

I need you to rise.”

― Matshona Dhliwayo